The Return of the Fatted Pig

I have returned.

I know a lot of you thought I'd died. Not true. Hell, I thought I was dead, too. Turns out I was just in Reseda.

But I'm back now, and ready to talk, type, and state things as I see fit, the Scott Said So way. I have refueled the furnace of my ego and have a surplus of hot air waiting to spew across your computer monitors. After all I've been through these past six months, I am ready to perry, thrust, and eviserate a variety of American icons, topics, and sacred cows. Yup. It's been a rough year. I would fill you in, but my esteemed legal counsel, Mr. Jacob Stein, has advised me against espousing details. I can only tell you that the many outlandish rumors of my alleged "incarceration" abroad were blown wildly out of proportion, and there is not one shred of evidence linking me to any of the sordid events involving any of those interns. Speculations and hearsay I tell you! Matter of fact, I refuse to speak further on the subject. I will simply add that I have nothing further to add.

And now...to the business at hand.

Well here it is a brand new year, ripe with possibilities and prospects. The rotting, bloated carcass of 2010 shrinking in our rear-view mirrors as we motor head-long into what will surely be a grab-bag of WTFs and You'veGottaBeKiddings. And I think I'm awake and sober enough now to be able to report and comment on anything that comes our way, people. I have a slew of topics I'm itching to tear into, and can't wait to get back up on that spot-lit soap-box where a blow-hard such as myself likes to think he belongs.

So, if you've an open mind and an ax to grind, or if you love spoon-fed opinions that are spicy and bite-sized, then all I can say is get comfortable, strap yourselves in, and open wide! Scott Said So is back, and I plan on being heard.

Want me to go off on something in particular? Tired of me already? One of the many hoping I'd remain dead? Email me. I'll be here, sharpening my rapier-like wit and shoveling coal into my ego.

Four Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

Ran across these technological tid-bits, and thought I'd share them with the Nation. They're Four Things you probably didn't know about Cellular Phones, and I thought they were pretty interesting, even though I'm not the biggest cell phone enthusiast in the world.

As many of you know, I'm not the easiest guy to get a hold of. And, actually, I like it that way, for the most part. I travel a lot, I'm driving, or I'm grabbing some much deserved sleep or quiet Me Time, and the phone rings. I hated that disturbance thirty years ago, and I hate it now with phones that go everywhere I do. The Wife made me get one, after quite honestly some fairly excellent whining on my part against the whole idea. However, "There may be an emergency" was the winning argument. And I am, obviously, the only person who can save us from whatever emergency looms ahead, so I must be able to be reached. So rest easy, America. When Commissioner Gordon calls, I will be on it. That is, if I'm within the coverage area.

See, it's not that I'm antisocial. It's just...well...I don't want you to get ahold of me no matter where I am. I'm a firm believer that, when my phone rings, I don't have to answer it. Fairly sure that's why God created answering machines. And I don't feel that makes me a bad person, an inconsiderate person, or a selfish person. There are dozens of other reasons as to why I'm bad, inconsiderate, and selfish, and my phone etiquette is way at the bottom of that list.

And I don't need to text anyone. Jesus, that crap is destroying a whole semester of 11th Grade Personal Typing skill. No one has respect for the Home Keys anymore. And I don't need music. I don't need games. I don't need the Internet. I don't need to Twitter while in line at the movies, or race Mario Carts while I'm waiting for an elevator. I don't need a phone to placate nor pacify me. I don't need it to entertain me. I don't need it to broadcast my every random thought to my friends and coworkers and any stranger who Googles me. (That's what a blog is for.) When I'm bored, and that's a rarity, I make my own fun. My phone is not some magic wizard that suddenly grants me access to noise and bright colors to occupy my time. It is not some crystal ball allowing me to see things I might otherwise miss and tragically die without. No, I need a phone to make a call where I want and when I need it to. And they can't seem to get that little bit of technology nailed down yet. Calls fade out, drop off, or are so static-ridden you might as well be talking to a Cuisinart. Swear to you, rotary phones made in 1973 had better and more reliable sound quality than these pocket playthings they make now! Unreliable in almost every situation. What I need is a tin can on a string that goes directly to 911, that's what I need.

But I digress. How unlike me. The Tid-Bits. Yes. Here they are. Give them a try and see how they work for you.

1. Emergency! - The emergency number is always 911, as most people know. But, if you're out of your coverage area or your mobile network, dial 112. That's the Worldwide Emergency Number, and it should work everywhere.

2. Hidden Power! - Out of juice and need to call the boss? Press the keys *3370# and your cell phone will restart with a reserve of up to 50% of your battery life.

3. Free Directory Service - There are several out there, including Google's 1-800-GOOG-411, but try 800-FREE-411 without incurring any charge at all.

4. Open Sesame! - This one I thought was a hoot! Locked your keys in your car? Got a spare set at home? Before you call AAA (you've got AAA, right?), try this. Call someone at home on their cell phone (or on a land line and tell them to call you back using their cell). Hold your cell phone up to the car door and have the person at home press the "unlock" button on your spare set of keys. Presto! Your car door should unlock.

I got these from a very reliable source, so they should work. If not, call me. Oh, if I don't pick up, try leaving a message. Or shoot me a comment back. I'll be here. Playing Mario Cart.

You're STILL fat!

You Are STILL fat.

Yup. You.

With the chocolate monster muffin from Starbucks and the skinny Latte. Not you? Oh, sorry. Maybe you're the one that decided to "eat healthy" and ordered the Cobb salad swimming in ranch dressing with the yogurt parfait yesterday for lunch...and downed it with a 32 ounce "Diet" Coke. No? My apologies. But I know tonight, somewhere out there, while they're watching "Real Housewives of Someplace You'll Never Visit," somebody'll scarf down about a pound or so of Low Fat Frozen Yogurt and fall asleep with a Snickers bar in their mouth.

Last month I told you why you were fat, but it looks like you need a reminder. So click the link below and check out the Worst Foods in America. Consider this a public service annoucement from someone who cares. And from someone who's tired of seeing flabby mid-sections trying to squeeze into designer jeans and wondering why it's so hard to meet anybody nice at the El Torito on Friday night. Remember. It's because I care.

Now drop the chalupa.

Men's Health - Eat This, Not That! - Best & Worst - What's are the worst foods?

Top Ten Hollywood Movie Stars of All Time

I was watching television the other night, and there was some awards show on. (I couldn't even tell you which one it was, they all look so similar. I'm fairly certain that if you just spliced together segments from five different awards shows into one long program, no one watching would be able to tell.) So I watched, remote teetering precariously in my hand, mouth slightly open, eyes glazed with indifference, for about three minutes as some sparkling sequins in the shape of a woman bantered on inanely about concepts fed to her from an unseen tele-prompter. She really seemed to have no clue as to the ideals the prompter aspoused, as was evident to me as she faltered over several multi-syllabic words. Who is this chick, I wondered. Should I know her? Is she important? Is she on TV or in movies, or what? I mean, am I so far removed from the entertainment loop now that there's a whole new crop of talent that I'm completely unaware of?
And as she stumbled on, faigning composure after her third mispronounciation, I found her so mindless; so inconsequential; that it got me thinking. (Ok, it got me mad and then it got me thinking. That's how it works.) But here's what I realized: There are no Stars left in Hollywood.

There.
I said it.
Somebody had to. We used to have Stars, but not any more. Paul Newman's death was a harbinger; a tolling of an iron bell sounding the end of a Hollywood as we once knew it. We used to have Celebrities. They were the Royalty of the American Cultural landscape. We cared about what they did, where they went, what they ate, and who they were. (When Clark Gable disrobed in "It Happened One Night" and he wasn't wearing a tee-shirt, national tee-shirt sales for men dropped by 30%.) But now we have nothing; bupkiss; dick.


As a society, we have replaced the once brilliant luminessence of our celebrity Milky Way with the dim, christmas-bulbed flicker of pop idols and two-dimensional pan flashes. The tintilation of behind the scenes gossip has been replaced by smutty who's-the-daddy scandal that passes for "entertainment news." At 7:00 pm nightly, this parade of cultural clap-trap is spewed out by self-indulgent automotons like Ryan Seacrest who hurl jagged headlines at us in rapid succession, so quickly and with such ablomp that we become covered in it; layers of it; hardening around us like a thick insullation of shit. We become jaded to the boldness and audacity of teenagers and young adults with little to no accernable talent who now pass as the closest thing we have to stars.


And they are not. They are not Stars. Stars have class. Stars have dignity. Stars have a sense of personal privacy and societal mores. Stars are afraid of shame, but have the guts to stand up on their own when the going is tough. I don't see a lot of that anymore.


Stars appear in movies and legitimate television programs; not cable-based abominations and scripted "reality shows." Stars gain respect for their accomplishments and reputations for their blunders; they don't become famous simply by appearing in front of cameras and labelling themselves celebrities. (Here's a hint: If you've ever called yourself a Diva...You're Not. Look up the definition of the word before you apply it. Aretha Franklin is a Diva. Paris Hilton is not.) Stars contribute to the cultural touchstones of our American fabric; they are not the loose strings on the fraid edges of fringe belief systems adding no more to the lexicon than fart referrences. Stars have legacy, not infamey. Stars are filmed, not digitally recorded on cell phones.


It is a tremendous honor and responsibility to be a Star, and to shoulder that golden burden every day, every where. And if you can't do that, then don't apply for the job. And don't apply if you don't have a resume, either. Respect used to have to be earned. We ain't giving it away just because you decided you'd get out of bed today.


So here, for once and for all, and for use as a back-board for all of the wannabes, woulda-beens, posers, and poor excuses, is the definitive collection of Hollywood Stars.
This is the Top Ten American Movie Stars of All Time.


First off, let me eliminate the Icons. Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, John Wayne. Sorry, but I'm talking about Movie Stars here; not American Icons of Film History. Dean was a great actor, true, but he never had the opportunity to explore the depth or range of his potential to make his way into my list. He died before he'd done half a dozen films! Sorry! Movie Stars have Legs. They are not Shooting Stars. They are fixtures in the constellation called Hollywood. And I took into account not only acting chops, but also diversity in subject matter. Bruce Willis makes damn interesting choices in the roles he plays, as did James Cagney. John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, on the other hand, as much as I personally love them, generally play themselves in their movies.

So let's sum it up. Stars have legs, chops, humility, strength, and a commitment to their craft that is endless and boundless, if not sometimes quiet and restrained. They are not one trick ponies, flashes in the celebrity pan, or self-important jerk offs. And with that said, here, in no particular order, are the Top Ten American Movie Stars of All Time.

Bette Davis
Robert DeNiro
Douglas Fairbanks
Meryl Streep
Paul Newman
James Stewart
Tom Cruise
Jack Lemmon
Anthony Quinn
Katherine Hepburn

I'm sure that should get a few of you fired up.
Please. Tell me what you think. I look forward to hearing your thoughts....

Change is Good

Ok. I'm changing things up.

It has always been my contention that people with a Blog had way too much of several commodities of which I consider myself short on: Time. Hot Air. Self Importance.

But things change.

I've decided to branch out from just the automotive information and delve into other aspects of American life that I have thoughts of, on, or for. Why? Let's call it Doctor's orders. I need to vent, or I'll explode. There's just too many issues I've remained mum on over the years, and I feel that certain areas are just getting a little "overgrown," shall we say. Like weeds in a neglected area of the societal lawn we all share.

I've decided to create a series of Top Ten Lists. My take on the best and the worst of things, from Cars to Cartoons; Food to Fashion; Movies, Books, TV Shows, and more. These'll be my personal takes on the greatest things America has to offer, both past and present. And upon what criteria am I basing my judgements? The name of this Blog is Scott Said So! for a reason.

So let me know what you think of my choices. I'm always willing to hear another side to the story, no matter how sad and off-base it may be. Ha!